New date!

Our annual party at Kosair Children's Hospital in Louisville, KY has been pushed back for quite some time due to construction on the children's cancer care and renal unit. Now that construction is complete and we've been able to coordinate calendars, our party will take place in the new Family Room on 7 West on Friday, April 8!

Mark your calendars and please start praying now! Please go here for a list of specific requests.

As always, thanks so much for your support.

Hoping, Believing, and Never Giving up,

Sarah

Childhood Cancer and the Kingdom of God

 

I'm a junior at Anderson University, and this morning I got to make 2,000 people aware of the reality of childhood cancer and talk about what is being done about it. Below is my presentation, complete with a new Break the Grey video! For those of you who've been following the blog from the beginning, some of this may be repetitive, but I think it's important. 

"Not to us, O Lord, not to us, but to Your name give glory, for the sake of Your steadfast love and Your faithfulness!" - Psalm 115:1

I only had to take one math class here at AU. I’ve never been good at math, so this was good news to me. I took my one math class last semester: finite math with Professor Saltzmann. I learned a lot in the class, and honestly, most of what I learned had nothing to do with numbers.

One time during class, Professor Saltzmann picked up a Bible and read to us out of Matthew 25. It’s a pretty famous passage, and I’d either read it or heard it about a hundred times:

“I was hungry and you gave Me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave Me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited Me in, I needed clothes and you clothed Me, I was sick and you looked after Me, I was in prison and you came to visit Me.’ … Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for Me.” – Matthew 25:35-36, 40

Then Professor Saltzmann said something that I wrote down in my notebook and haven’t forgotten since:

“If you claim the name of Jesus Christ, you must make a lifetime commitment to Matthew 25. There are about as many opportunities to live out Matthew 25 as there are fingers and toes in this room.”

The point, he emphasized, is that our lives here on this earth are going to be measured by how much we love. And there are about as many opportunities to love recklessly as there are fingers and toes in this room.

Break the Grey is just one of them.

Technically speaking, Break the Grey is a ministry that exists to share the love and hope of Jesus Christ by serving, supporting, and encouraging families facing childhood cancer or other life-altering illnesses. That’s our mission statement: the guiding principles behind why we do what we do.

It’s come a long way.

Break the Grey was started in 2005 as a response, of sorts.

When I first learned that the words “childhood” and “cancer” occur in the same sentence together, I was fifteen years old. Now, almost seven years later, the thought still sickens me.

Sara Groves puts exact words to my passion in her song, “I Saw What I Saw:”

“I saw what I saw and I can't forget it
I heard what I heard and I can't go back
I know what I know and I can't deny it

Something on the road cut me to the soul

Your pain has changed me
Your dream inspires
Your face a memory
Your hope a fire
Your courage asks me what I'm afraid of
And what I know of love”

I can’t pretend that childhood cancer doesn’t exist.

I can’t not do something about it.

But growing up as a terminally ill child, undergoing a kidney transplant at age eleven, and being diagnosed with a rare immune system defect five years later at age seventeen taught me that childhood cancer isn’t the only disease that devastates families. There are, unfortunately, way too many to name, each with their own life-altering symptoms, treatments, side effects, and protocols.

And for each precious child affected by a life-altering illness, there is a beautiful family. Dads, moms, brothers, sisters, and extended family, each with their own unique and specific physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs.

That’s what Break the Grey wants to call awareness to. Those are the broken pieces we seek to mend.

And with those pieces, we seek to facilitate a mosaic through which the love and hope of Jesus the Christ can shine – brighter than any darkness.

And so, over the years, Break the Grey has evolved into a different kind of response:

A response to the heart of God for families that are hurting.

A response to the call to advance the kingdom of God with my hands and my feet.

A response to the command to love recklessly.

Each of those kids in the video that you saw has a name. Cooper. Patrick. Ellie. Hadyn. Katie. Brent. Henry. Aidan. Gabby. Eli. Conner. Alex. Emily. Graham. They all have a family. They have all traveled incredible journeys and fought valiant battles.

And they have taught me that sometimes the kingdom of God doesn’t come crashing into our lives. Sometimes it comes quietly – in the little things. Like:

Coloring.

Blow up dice.

Shooting free throws.

Squishy pillows.

 

Milk in a bendy straw.

Play dough.

Popcorn.

Playing cars. 

Piggy back rides.

Parties.

The last bag of chemo.

Walking laps.

Finger paint.

Confetti and streamers.

And I’m convinced that we can labor for this kingdom now. With our hands and our feet we could make it come, in the choices that we make to love recklessly.

When you get close enough to the heart of God, what do you hear? Do you hear it beating for those caught in the sex trade? Do you hear it for families facing cancer? For widows and orphans? The homeless and hungry? Do you hear it beating for the person sitting next to you? Or the annoying kid in your class or the one who lives down the hall?

Listen close.

How can His heartbeat become the pulse that works itself out through your hands and your feet?

It doesn’t have to change the world. It doesn’t necessarily have to be big.

Maybe it’s only as big as Ironman pajamas.

It just has to love hard.

What will you do?

Hoping, Believing, and Never Giving up,

Sarah

Attention

Sometimes I'm not sure how to handle the attention that Break the Grey receives. For instance, I am currently a junior at Anderson University, and our school newspaper, "The Andersonian," ran an article about Break the Grey on Wednesday on its front page. Check it out here.

I don't want people to get the wrong idea: I don't do Break the Grey for the attention. Neither do any of our volunteers. We do it all for the glory of God.

That said, I've been given the opportunity to speak up about Break the Grey and childhood cancer this coming Tuesday, March 1, in chapel. This basically means that I get the chance to talk about my passion and God's heart for sick kids to roughly 1,500-2,000 college students, faculty, and staff. Yikes.

I want to do it right.

Over the past few days, I've had a great example. Susana's family recently posted the video of their little girl's celebration of life service online. They asked that it be passed along as much as possible to give as much glory to God as possible. Wow. How amazing.

I watched the video, and it was awe-inspiring. Cody, Susana's dad, spoke, and did a remarkable job of pointing to Jesus Christ, even in the death of his 4-year-old child. You can watch the video below and then go here to leave a message for their family if you wish.

Please pray that all of this attention - whether it's speaking to a bunch of college kids or speaking at a service to commemorate the life of a child - would be reflected back on the One to whom it belongs.

"Not to us, O Lord, not to us, but to Your name give glory, for the sake of Your steadfast love and Your faithfulness." - Psalm 115:1

Hoping, Believing, and Never Giving up,

Sarah

Party Time

We threw our first party of the year this past week. I’m fairly certain that I left a piece of my heart on the 5^th floor of Riley Children’s Hospital on Tuesday night.

I can still hear the 5-year-old’s infectious giggle. I can still feel the weight and form of the 17-month-old I held – careful not to pull the lines out of his chest – while his mom went to the party to get dinner. I can still see the smile on the 2 ½-year-old’s face, however reluctant, as I blew him bubbles or as one of our volunteers sat with him on the floor playing cars. I can still feel his 4-year-old sister’s energy as I watched her run, dance, and play alongside her sick brother. I can still see one 13-year-old’s smile, shy at first, and observe her coming out of her shell – from sitting in the corner with a plate of food, to sitting at the big table doing crafts. I still smile remembering her sense of wonder and excitement as she realized that there were gifts, food, and distractions galore. At the end of the night, as a child life intern and I walked her back to her room, pushing her IV pole and carrying all of her gifts, she turned to look at me with a huge grin on her face and announced: “I feel special.” I can still hear all of the nurses’ oohs, ahs, and comments as a teenage bone marrow transplant patient made his way back to the playroom for his second or third plate of food after not eating for quite a while.

I can still feel the hope in the room.

Thank you.

Thank you to those who gave; to those who prayed; to those who donated your time to put together baskets and bundles; thank you to those who passed the word along and took up collections for us. Thank you to Chic-fil-A for donating the nugget trays. Thank you to Adrienne’s Bakery for donating the cookies. Thank you to the lady at the Christian bookstore who gave us an extra 20% off.

Thank You, Jesus, for being faithful. Thank You for being our Hope.

Photo by Lauren Crouch

Photo by Lauren Crouch

We were able to serve approximately 20 families on Tuesday night. It was incredible, and I can’t wait to serve another 20 at Kosair Children’s. That party is being moved back due to construction on the unit, but it will definitely still happen.

Hope will rise.

“Yes, Lord, walking in the way of Your truth, we wait for You. Your name and Your renown are the desire of our hearts.” – Isaiah 26:8

 Hoping, Believing, and Never Giving up,

Sarah

Susana

Today, even in the mist of the joy and anticipation of planning fun-filled parties for families facing childhood cancer, my heart aches.

Today, even in the midst of my own personal celebration – for today marks exactly 11 months since my last treatment for a rare immune system defect – I hurt deeply.

Because today, at 12:15 PM, 4-year-old Susana Whittaker finished her race. Following a valiant battle with cancer, she was healed in the presence of her Savior – whole, complete, and cancer-free.

Even as Susana is now rejoicing, I groan for her family.

I never met Susana or her family, nor knew them personally. Several months ago one of my good friends who attends church with them sent me a link to their blog. Cody and Maria were serving as missionaries in Haiti with their two daughters, Isabela (6) and Susana (4), when Susana became sick. After an initial diagnosis of malaria, Susana was diagnosed with stage 4 neuroblastoma: one of the deadliest childhood cancers. Her family returned to the States for treatment, and Susana bravely endured harsh frontline therapy.

In January, just before beginning her last phase of treatment, scans showed that Susana’s cancer had returned with a vengeance. After much research and prayer, her family made the decision to stop pursuing medical treatment and to trust God with their little girl, knowing that she would likely go to heaven soon.

And today was her day: Susana’s home-going.

I began following Susana and her family’s journey on their blog shortly after Susana was diagnosed, and I was always amazed at the faith with which her family approached her battle. Through everything, they all held to an unshakeable hope in the character of God. Simply incredible.

In fact, Cody (Susana’s dad) told a story once of his worship experiences with Susana. Their family grew to love the song “Never Let Go” by Matt Redman. For those of you who are unfamiliar, the lyrics are as follows:

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I’m caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won’t turn back
I know You are near 

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me 

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We’ll live to know You here on the earth 

Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You”

Cody writes about their family’s tradition that grew around this song: “Every time we sing it together in the car, just as the line says, “but until that day comes”, I say out loud, “What are we gonna do?”  And then we all point up to heaven as we sing, ‘Still I will praise You. Still I will praise You Lord.’”

Once Susana was listening to this song in the hospital. Someone snapped the following picture of her as she sang:

"Still I will praise You..

This captures what I have observed from afar the past several months as I’ve watched this family deal with the horror of childhood cancer. Nothing short of unwavering, awe-inspiring faith and adoration for their Savior.

In fact, a few days after that picture was posted, Cody followed it with another blog post:

“A friend of ours sent a picture that I had posted a few days ago (the one of Susana looking up to Jesus and praising Him just as she was about to go in for more procedures) to Matt Redman, the one who wrote the song that we were singing when that picture was taken (“You Never Let Go”).  Anyway, the email and blog post reached him in the UK where he lives, and he sent a personal video message back to Susana thanking her and encouraging her to keep praising Jesus and being a great example to all of us.  Check it out below:” 

This past week, the Whittaker family has been heavy on my heart. From following their site, it was evident that unless God worked a miracle at the last second, Susana’s battle would end in the arms of Jesus. I heard a couple of songs this week that reminded me of their family and caused me to think about Break the Grey and the work that we do. The first was called “Healer” by Hillsong United:

“You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease

I trust in You
I trust in You

I believe You're my Healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my Portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus You're all I need

Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
You hold my world in Your hands”

I had a very hard time singing this song. It seemed so paradoxical. Here I was, singing it as a survivor – almost one year off treatment! But Susana’s family, who truly believe that God is indeed the Healer, and that He could do the impossible – including healing Susana’s body of all cancer here on this earth at the last second – was losing their child.

You see, growing up, I used to think that healing meant here and now - on this earth. I continued to think this way until probably my junior or senior year in high school, after about a year or so of fighting immune deficiency the first time. I came then to realize that our suffering is meant to ultimately bring glory to our Redeemer, and that healing often refers to that day when we will be made whole and complete in the presence of our Savior. That, my friends, is truly the ultimate healing.

So what I have come to find through my own journey with illness, Break the Grey, and the Whittaker family’s sojourn is this:

My God can do all things. Nothing is impossible for Him. He has all power and all might with which to heal here on this earth – even when conventional medicine says otherwise. He created our inmost beings. Therefore, with a word or a thought, they could be made instantly whole. I believe this whole-heartedly. If He chooses, however, not to do so, He is still good. And even if He calls us to walk in the hardest of places, we are called to stand in that moment and declare, “Yes – this is pain,” and “Yes – this hurts more than words can describe,” and “Yes – I would rather be anyplace but here,” and yet – You are still Good. You are still Glorious. You are still Awesome. You are still Deserving of Praise.

And so there is hope.

Not a wishy-washy, “when we all get to heaven” hope – a here and now hope. A “my God is Mighty to Save. But if He does, or if He does not, what is it to me? I serve the Lord of Hosts, and His glory is my number one concern. Not my safety. Not my comfort. No, not even my life. His name and renown – they are the desire of my heart. May His name be lifted high.” It is that kind of hope.

And that kind of hope can stare down any moment.

And that kind of hope can celebrate.

And that kind of hope can be fully present and alive.

I will close with the second song. I’ve only heard it a few times, but it is quickly becoming one of my favorites. It reminds me so much of the Whittaker family right now, and the faith, grace, and courage with which they are weathering this storm, even in the midst of their intense grief. It is called “Give Me Faith” by Elevation Worship:

“I need You to soften my heart
To break me apart
I need You to open my eyes
To see that You're shaping my life

All I am,
I surrender

Give me faith to trust what You say
That You're good and Your love is great
I'm broken inside, I give You my life

I need You to soften my heart
To break me apart

I need You to pierce through the dark
And cleanse every part of me

I may be weak
But You’re spirit’s strong in me
My flesh may fail
But my God, You never will”

Oh, God…give us faith to trust what You say – that You are good, and that Your love is great. Especially Cody, Maria, and Isabela. We hope in You alone. Amen.

Please continue to pray for Susana’s family as they grieve. Thanks.

Hoping, Believing, and Never Giving up,

Sarah  

Getting Ready

I can't believe our parties are almost here! Our first one takes place in only 5 days on Tuesday, February 15 at Riley Children's Hospital in Indianapolis, IN.

The closer these parties get and the more details I have to work out, the more I realize that we can't do this on our own. Not me, nor any volunteer force - no matter how large or helpful or enthusiastic they might be. (And believe me - Break the Grey has some awesome people backing it up!)

Jesus reminds us in John 15 that apart from Him we can do nothing, and it is never so glaringly apparent to me as it is when I try and plan events for Break the Grey. So I have started praying for our upcoming parties; they are, in fact, only 5 days away! Please join me! Some specific requests are as follows:

1. For the parents we will encounter and minister to at the parties - for peace, comfort, hope, encouragement, and strength.

2. For the siblings - for peace, comfort, hope, encouragement, and strength.

3. For the children fighting cancer or other life-threatening illness - for peace, comfort, hope, encouragement, courage, and complete earthly healing.

4. For all involved in the medical care of these children - nurses, doctors, and other staff - for wisdom, guidance, discernment, compassion, and peace.

5. That all who encounter Break the Grey in some way will be blessed by the love and hope of Jesus Christ. Please pray that God would prepare their hearts even now to receive His message of hope and love, even in the face of devastating illness.

6. That God would continue to open doors as we go about planning and preparing, and as we throw the parties; that God would bless us with opportunities to share the hope, comfort, healing, peace, and encouragement of Jesus Christ.

7. That all of our needs would be met - that God would provide enough parent gift baskets, sibling and patient bundles, and food to minister to each and every family that comes to the parties.

8. For the volunteers that will be serving at the parties - that God would give us the words to say and the ears to listen; that everything that we say and do would be reflective of Christ in us, and His hope in their darkness.

9. For specific opportunities to share the gospel, and that we would have the courage to be bold and speak up.

10. That any and all glory, honor, and praise attributed to Break the Grey would be God's and God's alone.

For those of you wanting to be involved in some way, we are still in need of items for our parent baskets. We need the following:

• ~ 25 coffee mugs
• 45 devotional books
• 46 lotions
• Gift cards (50 would be awesome)
• Enough coffee/tea/hot chocolate to fill 30 baskets

As mentioned in a previous post, for those in the southern Indiana/Louisville area, these items can be turned in to the front desk at CAI, or at Graceland Baptist Church - either in the church office or given directly to Danny or Terry Boesing at church this Sunday. Please turn in all items by this weekend.

Thanks so much for your support. Please continue to pray for us, as well as for the families we serve. Some of them are experiencing excruciating circumstances right now.

Hoping, Believing, and Never Giving up,

Sarah

Giving Opportunity

I'm kind of excited about this post. It's one of the main reasons I started this blog: so I could advertise for upcoming events, recruit volunteers, and meet the needs we incur as we plan events for our families.

Here in a couple of weeks we will be hosting our annual parties. We'll be going to the 5th floor of Riley Children's Hospital in Indianapolis, IN on February 15, and 7 West at Kosair Children's Hospital in Louisville, KY on February 25 to hang out with the families fighting childhood cancer there. Our annual parties are our biggest event each year, and are intended to "break the grey" of hospital life - hence our ministry's name!

Break the Grey party - 7 W Kosair Children's Hospital - February 2010

 Each year we take gifts to the patients on these units (the pediatric oncology units) and to their siblings as well so they don't feel left out. Additionally, we take gift baskets for the parents so that they feel supported. We bring food, decorate, and then just hang out, talk, listen, and pray with the families that come. These parties allow us to serve roughly 50 families between the two units each year!

Today I'm writing because we are in desperate need of items for our parent baskets! We need the following:

- Coffee mugs
- Coffee, tea, and/or hot chocolate
- Lotion
- Devotional books
- Hard candy
- Gift cards

Parent baskets - 2010

If you can help us out by donating any of the above items, it would greatly appreciated! For those in the southern Indiana/Louisville area, you can drop off items at the Graceland Baptist Church offices or the front desk at Christian Academy of Indiana. You can also give any items to Danny or Terry Boesing or Kassandra Botts.

For those in the Anderson the area, you can give the items to me. If you're not in either of those places but want to give, message me or e-mail me and we'll work something out.

We need enough items to fill 50 baskets, so please pass the word along!

We would like to have any donations turned in by this weekend (February 4-6) so that we can take inventory next week and regroup and go from there. However, if you can't get them to us before then, we will still accept them after this weekend.

Thanks for hoping and believing with us.

Hoping, Believing, and Never Giving up,

Sarah